Conflict Resolution
What is conflict resolution?
Conflicts can arise in workplaces, relationships, and everyday interactions. Learning effective conflict resolution strategies can help manage disputes constructively, allowing you to communicate without blame, which reduces the likelihood of the other person becoming defensive.
Conflicts can cause significant stress and anxiety, and in some cases, they may even contribute to depression.
The fundamentals of conflict resolution
There are core communication techniques that can be used to handle conflicts effectively. One of the most important methods is validation, which has been shown to be highly effective.
Validation involves:
Actively listening to the other person’s perspective.
Demonstrating understanding by summarising their point of view in your own words.
Ensuring mutual listening, so that both sides feel heard and acknowledged.
Engaging in a dialogue, where both parties genuinely try to understand each other, increases the chances of resolving conflicts in a constructive way.
The opposite of dialogue is debate, where each person is focused on winning the argument rather than listening. This often results in frustration and anger, as humans have a natural need to feel heard and validated.
To validate the other person’s perspective, it may be necessary to manage emotional reactions, which can be challenging – especially when strong emotions lead to impulsive behaviours or invalidation, which in turn increases the risk of conflict.
Using "I” messages to communicate effectively
Another essential skill for constructive conflict resolution is learning to communicate using "I” messages. This means expressing:
Observations
Thoughts
Feelings
Needs
Wants
in a way that is non-accusatory and non-critical.
Why is this important?
People generally do not respond well to criticism, as it can trigger feelings of shame, which in turn may lead to anger.
This cycle can fuel the conflict rather than resolving it.
By practising "I” messages with humility, you increase the likelihood that the other person will listen and validate your perspective. In deeply strained relationships, it may also be necessary to work on tolerance, forgiveness, and acceptance.
When conflicts seem impossible to resolve
In some cases, conflict resolution becomes particularly difficult, especially if one party is unwilling to engage in validation or constructive communication. However, in most situations, progress can be made through practical conflict management strategies.
Key principles for resolving conflicts effectively:
Avoid conflict discussions when emotions are heightened – a stressed brain perceives situations in black and white, making conflicts seem more significant than they actually are.
Take a break if needed – if emotions run high, it is often better to step away and return to the conversation when you have had time to reflect on what you want to say and how you want to say it.
By approaching conflicts with calmness and clarity, discussions are more likely to lead to mutual understanding and resolution.